| About myself |
if you wanna talk hit me up on my email add x81mdx at y a H O O . c o m either email me on that or dont hit me up at all...simple as tht<br><br>Where did it begin? I keep asking that question, but better yet why did it end? In most relationship one or the other keeps on saying what did I do? What did I do wrong? Only to figure out that it was never there fault. So why must we go through such horrible pain and suffer through such misery. They say “misery loves company” than I shall be its company. Love wants to be loved, but pain tells love that you can only be loved if they go through my pain. So there comes love only happy and wonderful like gorgeous day in heaven. Only to realize that pain is not far behind love and that misery and company is coming along with it. Love can never see pain coming, but it knows its right behind it. Who could blame for such a soul? A soul so pure, so precious and such a beauty that this must be angel in disguise. People get punished for the goods they do, while others get rewarded for the sins .they commit Its cruel world, this is why life was never a choice it was given. When things go bad we turn to God but when everything is good why don’t we turn to God? So who can we blame when everything goes bad? Why are we being punished when we done no wrong? God works in a mysterious ways, ways that we will never figure out in this world. <br>It began on an early morning, just like another sunny day. Wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, and go to school. This is where it all happened, where she made first encounter with him. Not knowing that it won’t be the first time they’ll meet. They were sitting right across from each other talking, laughing, and smiling at the same time as if they were talking to each other. They must be friends, sending emails to each other: that’s all. The bell rang they got up together and walked out together. As if there were couples. The next day I asked her who you were talking too yesterday in class. She replied that she was reading an email that she got from a friend. Ah! Did I forgot to tell you that she’s a very good friend of mines who I known her for years now. Since we were seven years old, I used to be at her house all the time. Her mom would cook us food late night. Even in the morning I would go just so I can eat breakfast there. Sometimes her mom would feed me with her own hands. We went to the same school through out all our life. <br>As far as I can remember we would always play husband and wife. Times when I was sick she would come over bring me medicine and make feel better. Since I was the only child with no brother and no sister to look after me, I only had her, my dad and her mom. My dad wasn’t around as much, he would work or be out late night with his friends at bar. He blames me for my mother. That I tell later on about my Mother what happened. She was the most wonderful person that I knew. When my mother was here she would give me anything I wanted. She would even play with us with Barbie dolls, help us make a castle in the beach, take us to the movies. One time while walking from the movies it got really cold and raining. Don’t know how or why it got cold all of the sudden, as if it was meant to happen. I was freezing and I twisted my ankle and could barely walk. She went to call for help and came back held me in her arms till help came. It was best the feeling and time for me. Just her holding me I couldn’t feel the cold, I was just lost thinking about her. Time change a lot of things since then. I’m a whole lot older now, my dad is still around. He comes home drunk trying to pick on me as if I was still a young boy. No! Not any more, I won’t let it happen anymore. I was little boy what could I have done to prevent it, nothing I try to make him stop but he wasn’t in state of mind. His still my dad and I still love him. I pay the rent now, as for my dad he can’t work any more just collects money from the government and spends it on liquor. <br><br><br>Now were in college first year I presume. The guy she walks with is a just a friend who she met a couple of months ago. She tells me that she’s in love with the guy who sends her the emails. How can she be in love with a guy who she never met, never seen his face, nor haven’t heard his voice. She only talks to him through email. I laugh at her, “that the guy will be missing any eye. Who can barely speak English and who’s really ugly.” She replies “As long as he loves me, that’s all that matters.” Just thinking to myself now “no one can love this girl more than I can. I die for her right now if it was up to me. Only if she knew that.” She talks about him all day and night how he makes her laugh, smile, and sad at the same time. This went on for years and still no contact with the guy. I was more anxious to know who the guy was than she was. Several years passed and she made no contact not even a name. They just had there own names for each other. I was determined to find out who this guy was. First thing was that I have to read her emails see if there are any clues. <br>One day in class she’s writing him an email and in the middle of the class she’s called to the office. I don’t know for what, but this is my chance to check her email. I don’t want to check it but something is telling me to check it. I have to check it if I wanted to find the guy. So there I go reading her emails, just being a noisy person. Doing something that I’m not supposed to be doing. As I’m reading all the emails it’s been 4years now. Ah! They started talking in the beginning of college. How can she be in love with this guy who she never met? She trusts him with her life from what I’m reading and understanding. There she comes as I move quickly back to my seat. She’s crying, tears are falling out like a could raining day. She picks up her books and walks out of class. I know something must be really wrong, so I follow her. Only to find out that her mother got into a really bad accident. As I quickly rush her to the hospital to go see her mother. Who’s been like a mother to me as long as I can remember? I go to speak with the doctor’s to ask what her chances of living are. He puts his head down and just gives me silent answer, than walks away. There is the love of life crying and it’s like I’m losing my mother all over again. <br>My mother died the same way when I was six. One day while driving me to school, she was in a rush for work because she had a really big meeting. I normally sit in the back seat but for some odd reason she put me in the front seat. She’s running late she wants to get to the meeting. While sitting in the front my mom is drinking her normally coffee like usually and I’m playing with my toys. It was a beautiful day not a cloud in the sky, and the brides were singing. All of the sudden she hit this big pot whole where her coffee spilled all over me and I screamed really loud. She got scared and as she turns around to see if I’m ok there comes this truck out of no where BAM hits the driver side. The car spins and spins until this other car comes and BAM it hits the driver side again. The car finally stopped by hitting a wall. I was knocked out for a couple of minuets. I can here people screaming are u ok. Hey you in there wake up. Someone call the cops. They couldn’t open the doors because of the impact of the collision. I open my eyes. My mom is hurt really bad blood is dripping from her head. I tap my mom’s face and say “mom, mommy are you ok, open your eyes. I’m fine mom see no burns, its ok mom.’ She opened her eyes “my mom is alive she’s not dead I think to my self.” She said ‘precious no matter what always take care of your dad and be a good boy, ill be watching you from the sky.” I didn’t know what she meant, her eyes slowly closed. There was no opening her eyes. I held her in my arms and cry for help, as I felt heart pound slowly drifting away. “Mom open your eyes please… open your eyes mommy.”<br>There comes the Fire truck, Ambulance and the cops. The fire truck guy is to the side of the car with a big chain saw. As his cutting through the car I cry hold my mommy really tight “please don’t go…please.” “Help is here mom everything will be all right.” As they cut through I feel the last beat of heart and I go in to shock. My mom is dead, she died in my arms. I’m in the hospital now. There is dad with the doctor walking over to my room, the doctor tells my dad if I ever get another shock like that, that I may not survey it. My dad just drinks now, he never used to drink, and he started because mommies dead. He still blames me that, why did I sit in the front, why didn’t I walk to school or go with my friend like usually I do. The next day it was all over the paper, and in front was the picture of me holding my mom while the fire truck guy was cutting through. <br>I can relate to her. What she must be going through right now. The worst part is I can’t do anything about it. Let me hold her in my arms and wipe the tears off her face. “So please give me a moment of silence while I shed these tears of scar for life that can never be erased.” As I walk over to her mother talking with her. She tells me that my dieing wish to you is “keep my daughter happy.” As one last tear fell I held her in my arms and once again I can feel the heart beat, but this time it started beating faster and faster and suddenly just stopped and I went into shock. I lost another mother in my arms; the angels have come and taken them from. Next thing I know I’m in the hospital. The doctor who gave me a salient answer now answer me “you don’t have that much time to live.” While I’m in the hospital she goes through my journal finds out that I love her more than anything in the world. She finds a letter saying how much I love her. She is crying over my shoulder “why didn’t you tell me that you love, why why why.” I look into her eyes how can I tell her that yeah I love you when I’m going to die soon. How could I leave her a lonely soul in this world? I couldn’t I wouldn’t. I would be breaking a mother wish. I rather am dead than to break a mother’s wish. I just tell her that I love you as a sister. That the letters I just got from your emails that day in class. <br> So here I am now 2 years later trying to find the guy who she fell in love with. I forget to tell you that she lost contact with him when her mother died? She hasn’t been the same and I don’t have that much time. I had been trying to find out who he was, where he is. Through all that time and searching there was no answer to be found. Who could I turn to for an answer? My mother told me she was always watching so I closed my eyes and asked God to let the angel bring my mother and help me. The next day while driving from work the normal road that I take is blocked, so I take a different route. There is a person on the road and her car is broken down.. I stop offer to help and her car is dead. So I offer a ride, while on the way I find out that she was a classmate of mines. How interesting this to find a classmate. She was on the way to see my lover who she lost contact with. I told her what had happened that she’s not the same. She tells me that did she ever meet the guy she talked to online so much. “No she didn’t meet him” she lost all contact with him. Did you by any chance know the guy? She replies “no I didn’t but she did mention his email address. The same day I emailed the guy and finally found out the guys name his name is “……” I was told that he lives in this place all by himself and that he was moving out and going on a move again. So I made a plan with him to meet him at his house. <br>While driving to his house, an old lady got hit by a car, and the driver drove off. There she is lying on the floor crying out for help. What should I do? There is the love my life. A life that was stolen from her she doesn’t know what happiness is anymore. She hasn’t smiled for years now. To help this lady on the floor I would be breaking a mother’s last wish Cause this maybe my last time meeting him. So I close my eyes and help this dieing lady. Rush her to the hospital on the way she tells me “god will answer your prayers soon enough.” I quickly take her to the emergence room and quickly leave. By the time I get to the guy’s house his long gone. No one knows where he went, nor do they know anything about him. All I know that his a doctor just like my lover who’s a doctor. <br>In the letter they used to write to each they said they both want to be doctors. Another year has passed, just another night, I’m dieing now these are my last words these are my last breath that ill be taking. Once again the same doctor comes and puts his head down as before he can say anything, I ask of his name. He reply’s and says his name is “…….” I was shocked to here the name. All this time I was searching for him and I made encounters with him so many times. I tell him the story about a girl who loved this guy but only talked to him through email. He tells me that he can relate to that, that he once was in love with this girl that never met here nor seen her but only talked through the emails. They only knew each other by there nick name. That they only had for each other. I told her that the girl he fell in love with I know her. He was shocked to find that the girl he loved is the same girl who sat across from in the computer class. The same girl who he told that her mother passed away. At time when her mother passed away you weren’t old enough to be a doctor? I asked him. He replied “I was just volunteer worker.” As she walks in the room and his walking out I call him out by his nick name that she called him once. She slow turns around looking down to the floor and raising her head up slowly to look at him. She takes one look at him and she’s full of tears in her eyes. As he walks over to the wipe the tears of her face she just grabs him. Asking where you been, why haven’t you told me it was you. He said “I was scared that you might not like me after meeting me.” That “I wouldn’t be good enough for you.” She cries and tells him that she waited all her life for this moment. As they turn around to thank me and as for the first time I seen her smile after so many years as I take my last breath. <br>Now she’s reading this letter just as you are. That in this life she wasn’t mine. But I’ll be waiting by heavens door till the day she comes there. So what wrong have I done? What did I do deserve this? None that I know of, I was raised with no mother and a father’s love wasn’t even there. A lover of my life who couldn’t be mine, she once said in her journal that I was always her first love but didn’t know that I would love her the same way. Who won Pain and misery or love? I suffered through the pain and misery while I gave her a loved one even in my death. Pain and misery came together made me sad and lonely but love helped me out. If I didn’t go with my mom that day she would’ve still died that day, that time just in a different way. What ever faith has choosen for you thats what will happen, death is death and it can’t be changed.
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